TOPIC: Joke of the day!

He he

funny

<br><br>Post edited by: Bornok, at: 2006/01/17 09:34

see this

Enjoy..........

***********************************************************************
Prospective Employer to Applicant: \" So why did you leave your previous job?\"
Applicant: \" The company relocated and they did not tell me where!\"
________________________________________________________________

Bisaya 1: \" Gara ng kutsi, siguro kay Miyur iyan.\"!
Bisaya 2: \" Dili bay!\"
Bisaya 1: \" Kay Hipi?\"
Bisaya 2: \" Tuntu ka man. Kay FATHER iyan. Gisulat niya sa likud o, \"'SAFARI'.\"
_______________________________________________________________

Misis: \" Sir, mananawagan po sana ako sa mister ko kasi dinala niya ang limang anak namin.\"
Radio Host: \" Ok, go ahead!\"
Misis: \" Honey, ibalik mo na ang mga bata, isa lang naman ang sa iyo diyan!\"

_______________________________________________________________

Hello! Heto na naman ako. Gulung-gulo ulit ang isip ko. May nais lang sana akong itanong sa inyo. Alam ko matutulungan niyo ako Ang BIRDS FLU ba ay past tense ng BIRDS FLY?

_______________________________________________________________
Nakasakay ka sa FX, ng ikaw ay mautot. Buti na lang malakas ang tugtog. Bawat pag-utot, sabay sa tugtog. Nang ikaw ay bumaba, ang sasama ng tingin nila sa iyo, bigla mong naalala...naka Walkman ka pala!
______________________________________________________________

WIFE: Himala! aga mong umuwi ngayon.
HUSBAND: Sunod ko lang utos ng boss ko. Sabi nya \"GO TO HELL\", kaya ito uwi agad ako.
_______________________________________________________________

Lasing (takot): may multo sa banyo natin!
Wife: ha? Bakit?
Lasing: kasi bumubukas yung ilaw pag papasok ako ng ! banyo eh.
Wife: punyeta ka! ikaw pala umiihi sa ref!
_______________________________________________________________

1st night lola wore see thru dress, lolo didn't react...
2nd night lola wore t-back, lolo still deadma...
3rd night lola all naked, lolo said \"anu yan suot mo, gusot-gusot!!\"
_______________________________________________________________

AMO: sagutin mo ang telepon inday!
INDAY: (baligtad ang hawak) hilo? hilo?
AMO: baligtarin mo!
INDAY: lohi? lohi?
AMO: telepon ang baligtarin mo!
INDAY: Puntili, puntili
_______________________________________________________________

Juan: bday ng asawa ko
Pedro: ano regalo mo?
Juan: tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.
P: ano naman sinabi?
J: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.
P: ano binigay mo?
J: Baraha.
________________________________________________________________

Pedro: Galing ako sa doktor, nakabili na ko ng hearing aid. Grabe! ang linaw na ng pandinig ko!
Juan: Talaga?! Magkano bili mo?
Pedro: Kahapon lang
________________________________________________________________

Teacher: We are descendants of Adam and Eve!
Student: That's not true! My dad sez we are descendants of an Ape!
Teacher: We are not talking about your FAMILY!
________________________________________________________________

Wife: Lab, may taning na ang buhay ko. Huling gabi ko na to, let's make love.
Husband: Heh! tumigil ka nga. maaga pa akong gigising bukas, buti ikaw hindi na.
________________________________________________________________

KRIMINAL1: \"Pare, sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yung papatayin natin?\"
KRIMINAL2: \"Oo, nagtataka nga ako, 1 oras na tayo dito wala parin siya!
Sana naman walang nangyaring masama sa kanya.\"

Holdaper 1:taas ang kamay walang gagalaw!!!
Mga babae:ahhhh ahhhhhhh wak nyo po kami saktan
Holdaper 2:pare kunin nyi lahat ng babae at gagahasain natin
Babae 1:wak po!! wak po!! maawa na kayo samen
Babae 2:oo nga po kuya may pamilya na kami
Lola:ANO BA KAYO MARUNONG PA KAYO SA HOLDAPER

FINAL EXAM NAMIN:

Instructions:
Read each question carefully.
Answer all questions.
Time Limit: 4 hours.
Begin immediately.

1. HISTORY
Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific.

2. MEDICINE
You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of
gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not
suture until your work has been inspected. You have 15
minutes.

3. PUBLIC SPEAKING
Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aborigines are storming the
classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language
except Latin or Greek.

4. BIOLOGY
Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human
culture if this form of life had developed 500 million
years earlier, with special attention to its probable
effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your
thesis.

5. MUSIC
Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with
flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

6. PSYCHOLOGY
Based on you degree of knowledge of their works, evaluate
the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and
repressed frustrations of each of the following:

Alexander of Aphrodisias
Rameses II
Gregory of Nicea
Hammurabi.

Support your evaluations with quotations from each man's
work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to
translate.

7. SOCIOLOGY
Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany
the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your
theory.

8. MANAGEMENT SCIENCE
Define management. Define science. How do they relate? Why?
Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all managerial
decisions. Assuming an 1130 CPU supporting 50 terminals,
each terminal to activate your algorithm; design the
communications interface and all necessary control programs.

9. ENGINEERING
The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been
placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an
instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a
hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take
whatever action you feel is apropriate. Be prepared to
justify your decisions.

10. ECONOMICS
Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt.
Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following
areas:

Cubism
Donatist Controversy
Wave Theory of Light

Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize
this method from all possible points of view. Point out the
deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in you
answer to the last question.

11. POLITICAL SCIENCE
There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start
World War III. Report at length on its socio-political
effects; if any.

12. EPISTEMOLOGY
Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of
your position.

13. PHYSICS
Explain the nature of matter. Include in you answer an
evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics
on science.

14. PHILOSOPHY
Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its
significance. Compare with the development of any kind of
thought.

15. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE
Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.

***EXTRA CREDIT***
Define the universe; give three examples.


DE LA SALLE UNIVERSITY FINAL EXAMS (Take Home)

Time Limit: 3 Weeks

1. What language is spoken in France?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire
with particular reference to architecture, literature, law
and social conditions or give the first name of Pierre
Trudeau?

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to:
a. Build a bridge
b. Sail the ocean
c. lead an army or
d. WRITE A PLAY

4. What religion is the Pope?
a. Jewish
b. Catholic
c. Hindu
d. Polish
e. Agnostic
(check only one)

5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the
little hand is on the 5?

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

8. What are people in America's far north called?
a. Westerners
b. Northerners
c. Southerners

9. Spell -- Bush, Carter, and Clinton
BUSH: _ _ _ _
CARTER: _ _ _ _ _ _
CLINTON: _ _ _ _ _ _ _

10. Six kings of England have been called George, last one
being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.

11. Were does rain come from?
a. Macy's
b. 7-11
c. Canada
d. the sky

12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of relativity?
a. yes
b. no
c. maybe
d. I don't know

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for
what country?

15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium
or spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?

17. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples
do you have?

18. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?

19. The DLSU tradition for excellence in education began
when (approximately)?
a. B.C.
b. A.D.
c. still waiting

Bakit ba madaminggalit sa microsoft?

toastytech.com/evil/crash.html

For you!

In the Philippines, most kids in private schools are forced to speak English at all times. A kid who just came from the province and who barely speaks the language tried his best to do so.

One day, the kid needed to go to the bathroom so bad but he didn't know what to tell his teacher. He raised his hand and said, \"guro, pwede po bang pumunta nang banyo?\" (meaning, teacher may I go to the bathroom?')

Since the boy didn't speak English, the teacher pretended that she didn't hear him. The boy said to himself, \"what should I say (in Filipino, of course)\". Then suddenly, the boy raised his hand and said, \"FATHER, MOTHER, I\", and quickly rushed out the door and to the bathroom.

The teacher wondered what the boy meant. 15 minutes later, the boy came back. The teacher asked him where he went. He said that he went to the bathroom and he needed to go really bad. Then she asked what he meant when he said 'FATHER, MOTHER, I'.

The boy then explained, \"FATHER in filipino meant TATA, MOTHER in filipino meant INA and I in filipino meant AKO\".

*************** TATA - INA - AKO (ha, ha, ha...)

THE KETCHUP EFFECT ur gonna love it!

ayos to promise
www.wimp.com/fedex/

Ganito magbigay ng masamang balita
SAPOL Ni Jarius Bondoc
Ang Pilipino STAR Ngayon 11/25/2005

KUMIRIRING ang telepono nang madaling araw....

\"Hello, Master Carlos? Si Arnaldo po ito, yung katiwala niyo sa bahay-bakasyunan niyo.\"

\"O, Arnaldo, ikaw pala. Ba't napatawag ka? May problema ba?\"

\"Um, napatawag lang po ako para abisuhan kayo na namatay ang alaga niyong parrot.\"

\"Yung parrot kong si Pikoy, patay? Yung nanalo sa bird show?

\"Opo, Sir Carlos, yun na nga po.\"

\"Putris ... sayang! Ang laki pa naman ng nagastos ko sa ibong ïyon. Hay, buhay! Teka, ano nga ba ang ikinamatay niya?\"

\"E, kumain po kasi ng bulok na karne....\"

\"Bulok na karne? At sino namang salbaheng tao ang nagpakain sa kanya ng bulok na karne?\"

\"W-Wala po. Nanginain po siya ng karne ng isang patay na kabayo.\"

\"Patay na kabayo? Anong patay na kabayo, Arnaldo?\"

\"E, yun pung mga thoroughbred horses niyo, Sir. Namatay po kasi lahat sila sa pagod, kahihila ng kariton ng tubig.\"

\"Nasisiraan ka na ba ng bait? Anong kariton ng tubbbiiiiggggg?\"

\"Yun pong pinampatay namin ng sunog.\"

\"Diyos ko po! Anong sunog naman yang pinagsasasabi mo?\"

\"Yun pong halos tumupok sa bahay niyo.... Tumumba po yung isang nakasinding kandila, tapos nagliyab yung kurtina at mabilis na kumalat ang apoy....\"

\"Ano? Puuut.... E, may kuryente naman diyan sa bahay-bakasyunan, a. Para saan yung kandila?\"

\"Para sa burol po.\"

\"Ano? Kaninong burol?

\"Sa nanay nyo po, Sir. Bigla kasi siya dumating dito nung isang gabi, walang kaabi-abiso. Lampas hatinggabi na. Akala ko po magnanakaw. Binaril ko.\"